He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
