Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
