I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize