You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
