Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
