Betty ford says i'm here all night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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