i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
