I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
