oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
