You just made me feel so damn special
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
