babies were throwing up all over the place
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
