You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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