Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
