Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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