just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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