I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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