I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize