Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
