I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
