you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
