Nicole vs. Life
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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