im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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