Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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