apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
