Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
