i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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