Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
