I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
