...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
