1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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