I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
