Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
