you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
