Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
