yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
