I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
