if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
