Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
