I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
