I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
