Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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