He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the day after is always just damage control
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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