i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
