Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am in a vortex of obligation.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
