i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
