Christians are straight up FREAKS
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My breasts were aching with rage.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
