I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
