One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
