Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
