it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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