I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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