in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize