We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
