so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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