I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
