It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize