I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
