And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
