Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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