are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize