is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
