I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Shame - the story of my life.
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