Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
