If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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