do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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