I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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