drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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