Plan B is the new Plan A
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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