I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
