I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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