I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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