***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She's JV to your varsity
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
