is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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