hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
