U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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