i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
