Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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