I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
