Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
