He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
