Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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