Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
