You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
