I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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