The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Randomize
