Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
