That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize