You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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