Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
