My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
