my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
