Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
