I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
