Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
