you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
