JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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