are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
