im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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