She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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