I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
