I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
