This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
