rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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