Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize