she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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