Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
