Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
