So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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