I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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